Man and God
On day this man walks into a church goes to the altar, and neals down to pray.
The man says, "God, how long is a minuet to you?"
Then God says,"Well, a millon years."
Then the man asks, "Well how much is a penny to you/"
God Says "A millon dollars."
Then the man says, "well... |
The praying nun
Q: What did the police officer say to the nun that was praying in the right side of the church?
A:"You have the right to remain silent." |
The Bible
Q:What did the lord put on the Last page of the bible?
A:"THE END." |
Gates to heaven!!!!
three nuns dies and they are waiting to get into heaven! but befor they can they have to answer at least one question.
The first nun goes and answers her question right.
The second nun goes and also gets her question right.
Then the 3ed nuns question is
"what was marys first words to joesph?"
and she answers ... |
Sleeping in church
Mr. and Ms Smith went to church and Mr. Smith haeded for a chair to sleep, while Ms Smith went to the preacher. She said,"My husband has been sleeping while you sleep.can you help?" Yeah we get this all the time.when I give you the siganal poke him with this hat pin.so the preacher starts preaching and he says,"who died on the cross for you,and giv... |
LIttle Johnny and the Preacher
One day little Johnny was pulling a big red wagon up a hill that was heavy. A preacher walked by and heard Johnny cussing. "Lil Johnny,you know God is sitting right there and hearing what you are saying." Little Johnny replied,"Well tell him to get his fucken ass out of the wagon and push!"
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How did Jesus get his name
How did Jesus get his name?
His dad stepped on a thumbtack |
Load of nuns
A bus load of nuns die in a road accident and go to heaven. When they get there st Peter asks the first nun, have you ever had contact with a penis? She says I touched one once with my finger. Dip it in holy water then replies st Peter. He asks the next nun. I fondled one she says. Put your hand in holy water. Suddenly they hear a commotion, a nun ... |
Jewish Nose
Q: Why do Jewish people have such big noses?
A: Because the airs free! |
My grannie
my gran is the most religious lady i know and every sabbath she would go to church and she never missed it. one sabbath my gran and i went to church, even though we would have walked for 5 mins to church, we walked for half an hour for she is very slow. when we got there something unusual happened 2 men dressed in black got in with guns and shouted... |
Confession
confession
One day a girl went to church to make a confession
She went in and said: father forgive for I have sin
Priest: what is the problem my child.
Girl: I call a man son of a bitch
Priest: why in the world would you call a man son of a bitch?
Girl: because he touc... |
Jews in a car
How many jews can you fit in a car?
2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 1 million in the ash tray. |
The difference between a jew and a pizza
What is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
1 does not scream when you put it in the oven. |
Jewish cops
How do you get rid of a Jewish cop?
Go Through a Toll Both |
Drive By
What do you call a drive by in china? Cappuccino |
Naughty Priest Hood
There are five men who are studying to become priests.
They have gone through 1 year of training and are ready for their finnal exam.
For the final exam the head priest decides that the students would have to stand in a field with a bell atached to their penis while a naked lady pranced in front of them.
... |
Jesus
jesus walks in to a hotel and says......
heres three nails would you put me up for the night |
Holy Priest!!!
Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy Shit!!! |
Dang You Needle-MJ
The preacher was on the chair on the stage waiting for the music to be over. He fell asleep.The music leader walked up and said the music is over. The preacher said get that creature out of my face.The music leader said, you can cram the message up your big kahoot.
MJ |
The muslim
What do you call a handsome and rich muslim?
ASIF. lol |
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